savagemama

Last night when I got home I handed the baby to Seth and plopped down on the couch. I leaned my head back and felt the full weight of my body sink into the ancient cushions. I was so, so tired. Maybe as tired as I had been those first few weeks of pregnancy or after a really long run, maybe even more tired than that.

I am not pregnant (can you hear that hallelujah chorus, too?) and I’ve not been doing any long runs. I’ve been babysitting for two days in a row and I think it is official the two little creatures I’ve been chasing have worked me over good, sent me down for the count, made me cry mercy.

Thank God these two little girls are cute.

I asked my friend’s child the other day over a snack of cherry tomatoes if she knew any new words.

“Yeah, they’re up there,” she said pointing to a dry erase board with a list of words on it.

She’s not even two. [Read More]

So, they went.

Seth took Eliza to Portland and I survived a quiet weekend alone. As I helped Seth ready Eliza for the trip, I tried to remind myself this was a good idea.

After we put her to sleep that night. I stacked her clothes in Seth’s suitcase. I always over pack for Eliza and this night was no different. I packed several long-sleeved shirts, pants, a dress or two, some short-sleeved onesies and three pairs of shoes. Yes, three pairs of shoes for a child that isn’t even walking. Even while moving around the house matching outfits, finding diapers and bottles of teething tablets, I was still on the fence about this whole endeavor.

During the past 24 hours, I’d called everyone I could think of that might be able to reassure me that sending Eliza to Portland was OK. Everyone thought she’d be fine, that she wouldn’t wean if Seth took breast milk, that it could be an adventure. I was still unsure. [Read More]

Seth is going to Portland this weekend to celebrate the retirement of his papa. I’m staying home. We talked about taking a family trip to Oregon but then remembered we just did that in July and I was back East with Eliza for two weeks in August and like everyone else in Missoula we’ve been booked since Memorial Day, so I decided to sit this one out. I love Seth’s Dad and I’d love to be there to help him celebrate his cutting ties with the corporate world but Seth and I agreed; he should go, Eliza and I should stay.

We agreed, until last week.

Seth started dropping hints about how he and Eliza could go to Portland and what a treat that would be for his dad.

“Why not,” he said. He pointed out I had taken Eliza, more than once, to see my family when he had to stay home. Couldn’t he do the same?

“No,” I said.

“I’ll take breast milk. We’ll be fine,” he said. “Just think you could do whatever you want.” [Read More]

I have a girlfriend that I met when I showed up to her house for a book club someone else had invited me to. I didn’t know who I was looking for as I knocked on the door that night years ago but when she answered I knew we’d be friends. She was hip in a black t-shirt and pixie bangs. She was refreshing. She was open. She offered me a beer, referred to the “feminist perspective” when discussing the book and before I knew it we were exchanging life stories way into the night. I’d just moved to Missoula and when I walked into her house felt, for the first time since I’d been here, like I’d found my people.

I joked at her wedding a few years later that as soon as I met her I knew I wanted to be her friend and that I thought I would just follow her around until she wanted to be mine. Luckily, it didn’t come to that. We hit it off and we’ve been friends ever since I landed on her doorstep. [Read More]